{"id":35,"date":"2022-02-12T20:23:51","date_gmt":"2022-02-12T20:23:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.wpengine.com\/?p=35"},"modified":"2022-02-12T20:33:47","modified_gmt":"2022-02-12T20:33:47","slug":"closing-the-3-gaps-most-leaders-secretly-struggle-with-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/?p=35","title":{"rendered":"Closing the 3 gaps most leaders secretly struggle with in life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Several years ago, a series of \u201cminor competitive trash-talking\u201d decisions during after-school dodgeball games for my son culminated in his first (and only) \u201cincident\u201d, resulting in a lot of kids in the principal\u2019s office. Amidst the commotion though, he fell, broke his hand, and had to have his arm \u201cset\u201d in a cast to realign and heal. Having grown up playing hockey and a veteran of broken bones, I reassured him of the healing process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSetting the break in a cast gives it a chance to bring both parts back into alignment,\u201d I explained. And as most parents would, I seized the opportunity for a couple life lessons. \u201cDuring that period of rest, the gap between the 2 bones disappears and the limb is restored. But it\u2019s accompanied by enough pain, loss and time to reflect on how you ended up here through the small decisions along the way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This concept of resting, realignment and closing gaps stuck with him \u2014 and me. So did the other life lesson: Pebbles start avalanches, because no one pays attention to pebbles, until one day something transformative happens because of the slow widening of a gap. However, something transformative happens to us as leaders when we\u2019re willing to ditch the narrative of our life that we\u2019ve publicly written, and recognize that one of 3 gaps has emerged that it\u2019s time to face, deal with, and close:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. The gap between expectation and reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Sam Chand (http:\/\/www.samchand.com\/<\/a>) once wrote about how every relationship has both expectations and reality \u2014 If you imagined them both at opposite ends of a horizontal axis, then the distance between the two of them is what is called conflict<\/em>. Confronting this gap between expectations and reality can bring realignment to an organization and certainly to any relationship. Customers, vendors, kids, spouses, employees all will, at some point, have various points of frustration with you. At the core of the frustration, you\u2019ll find a gap between their (or your) unmet expectations, and reality. The better job we can do clarifying expectations up front, even (and especially) when it calls for us to be transparent and vulnerable and admit pedestals we can\u2019t live up to being put on, the more realistic the expectations will become. When that happens, the gap shrinks between those expectations and reality. Ideally, they align with each other, and the burden of undue and unfair pressure is relieved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. The gap between rewarding and fulfilling.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These two words are often used interchangeably, and it drives me crazy when I hear them interchanged by motivational speakers and leadership consultants, because they\u2019re dramatically different. I\u2019ve met leaders who\u2019ve spent 20 years building a rewarding career, but feel like they\u2019ve done very little that they would qualify, at their core, as fulfilling. They\u2019re reaping financial and personal reward, but are silently unfulfilled and wondering what the years of struggle, toil and pain actually fulfilled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A great leader once said that there\u2019s a difference between job and work. Your job is what you do until you discover your true work in life. When you discover the work you\u2019re passionate about spending your life doing, you\u2019ll never want to retire, you\u2019ll just eventually adjust your schedule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This type of gap can show up between ideal customers and necessary customers, and between values-based decision-making versus decisions we sometimes make when facing financial road blocks when organizational goals hit market challenges. It\u2019s when the leadership starts taking on compromising work, the stuff that looks profitable but that\u2019s outside core competencies, or customers that may not align with your values. It\u2019s the stuff that pays the bills and earns accolades publicly, but privately erodes our organization\u2019s culture, our team\u2019s trust, and our passion for getting up Monday morning and facing another week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s healthy for a leadership team to periodically step back and ask if the rewards for your hard work and investment also carry fulfillment that aligns with your purpose. If there\u2019s a significant gap, it might be time to redefine what really matters, and challenge your narrative of what\u2019s pressuring you to compromise. When you close your eyes to the rewards, you often will find it easier to see whether true fulfillment exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. The gap between the story of you, and the authentic you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most leaders I\u2019ve known, at some point, struggle with isolation and loneliness. Truth is, most leaders will at some point struggle with isolation stemming from the conflict between the desire for transparent relationships, juxtaposed with the fear of loss \u2014 \u201cIf this customer knew we weren\u2019t really sure we could pull this off\u2026if this employee knew we were struggling financially\u2026 if this friend knew about my personal struggle\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Several years ago, I joined a peer accountability group with seven other CEO\u2019s\/husbands\/fathers. While the mutual advice has been transformational, I discovered a rare freedom most of my peers, sadly, never discover. And, it was one of the greatest gifts I\u2019ve ever been given. I found myself in a room, every month, free of guilt, shame, loss, or ramifications from sharing the truth about my struggles, knowing others have been through something of comparable weight. It has become, a decade later, a safe place where I can unmask the story of me, and be the authentic me; celebrating my victories without fear of appearing prideful or egotistical, while simultaneously exposing my failures and fears without the concern of judgment, or of people (friends, employees, customers) leaving my life, unable to contextualize the information shared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The leader of one of the largest organizations in his industry once told me, in the midst of the biggest crisis of his life: \u201cDriving down the road, I pulled over and pulled out my phone, scrolling down for seemingly hours. That\u2019s when I realized, among thousands of contacts and followers\u2026I had no one in my life I could call who I didn\u2019t lead. I had no one to confide in for fear that if I shared the truth, they\u2019d exit my life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the greatest gifts a leader can receive is a trusted, safe environment with relationship(s) where they can be authentic and transparent. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. At some point we all struggle with identity. There was a kind of leader you envisioned being when you started your journey, but along the way customers and employees entered and exited your life. Pressures forced compromises, and in the fast pace of \u201ctrying to keep up\u201d maybe you fell into the trap of comparison between you and others, or between where you aren\u2019t on the journey and the expectation of how far you should be by now. Piece by piece, identity started chipping away until there it was: The gap between the authentic you and the story of you that you allowed struggles, successes and perhaps the perceptions and voices of others to shape and mold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The good news about these gaps is this: They shrink significantly with a bold decision, a little time and commitment to stay the course. This year, my hope for you as a leader is you\u2019ll carve out the time and do it \u2014 I used to say \u201cfind the time\u201d but as you get older, you realize sometimes you have to get a sharp knife and cut deep into your schedule to carve away a piece for yourself. When you do, I bet you\u2019ll rediscover what I did; the real, authentic you, and perhaps reset, realign and close some gaps holding you back from the quality of life you deserve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Several years ago, a series of \u201cminor competitive trash-talking\u201d decisions during after-school dodgeball games for my son culminated in his first (and only) \u201cincident\u201d, resulting in a lot of kids in the principal\u2019s office. Amidst the commotion though, he fell, broke his hand, and had to have his arm \u201cset\u201d in a cast to realign…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":13,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/geoffwasserman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}